A first hand account of God's work in my life.
What a difference two years can make....new city, new home, grad school, new job, new everything! Some things are still the same, but God is still in control and He is working everything out.....as always :)
posted by Deeg @ 8:36 PM
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Let me touch You and see if You are real
posted by Deeg @ 9:41 PM
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" When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a woman, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Labels: love
posted by Deeg @ 6:16 PM
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It seems as though my attitude has changed some since I posted about an hour or so ago. Once I finished posting I went to my favorite Christian site, Crosswalk.com and as God always does, He placed some reading material right in my face. What I read coincided with what the pastor spoke about in church on sunday and so I feel as if I have some confirmation in my life. I must die. Plain and simple I must die. God is putting me in a place of extreme lonliness, and uncertainty so that I will cling to Him and no longer lean on my own understanding. He wants me to grow in Him and in order to do that He has to break me down and remove the walls I have put up around my life. I'm not going to lie, I 'm still slightly anxious, because I have been running from this for a long time now, but it's time. God I think I'm ready. Everything is changing and I'm going to turn to You. Please see me through this time, be my comfort like You promised. Please give me the courage to really submit and draw closer to You. Most importantly, help me to be bold about the changes in my life. I can't hide it anymore, and I shouldn't desire to. I pray that once Your work has been completed You will bless me. I pray that I get those friendships and relationships that I so desire. And if for some reason it is in Your will that I do not have it , please allow me to cope and a way to live without it. Thank You and Amen.
posted by Deeg @ 10:07 PM
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Well, much has not changed since my last post. I'm still in a weird place. I feel caught in between my past and future. I know what I'm leaving behind, but I have no idea what's coming. Unfortunately this feeling is leading me to be more anxious than excited about my upcoming graduation. Its only weeks away now, and I honestly feel like its more of a burden than a happy moment. I just can't seem to live in the now. I'm having a really really hard time not being afraid of whats to come. I mean, I have a job now which I suppose is a good thing, but its commission based. That terrifies me. I have bills to pay, money to save, a potential car to buy and what if I can't make this work? I know I'm doubting myself and I know I shouldn't, but its tough. I just want and need direction. And I feel as if I'm back in that place with God, where I'm praying but He's just not responding, or else He is responding in a way that I really don't understand. I hate to doubt Him, I should be stronger in my faith than this, but I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. And to top it all off, I've never felt this isolated in my life. My friends are few and far between these days. The one person who I feel like I can turn to is full of complications. My relationship with Frankie is so tough right now. I need to leave him alone, but I'm afraid to let go because I feel like he is all I've got. I have made him the most important person in my life, and that's wrong. My focus should be on God and myself right now. But I'm scared that if I just let go and lose him, that God won't be that support I need. Its wrong I know, but its the truth. I can't see God. I can't touch Him or cry on His shoulder or anything. All I have is feeling and faith. And I'm terrified that that may not be enough. I'm wrong right? I think I'm so scared because I have never been in a position to trust God as much as I have to right now. So, there is a genuine fear that He won't be there. I have to trust Him with my heart, my friendships, my future romantic relationships, my career, all these things that I have tried so hard to secure I have to give to Him. Am I ready to do it? Am I ready to give Him complete and utter control of everything in my life? I don't know, but I do know that I don't have a choice. I have to. Therefore I will. Pray for me.
posted by Deeg @ 8:58 PM
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I miss him. As of today, it's over. We are over. I didn't want it to end this way. I feel raw, and numb inside. Part of me is happy possibly, but the rest of me is confused and sad and just numb. I feel like a failure. I could not make this work. As hard as I loved him and tried to stand by him and defend him and uplift him. It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. That hurts me so so bad. Why do my inadequacies and complexities always lead to confusion and heartache for me? How am I supposed to live my life right now? Where am I supposed to go and do? I hate not knowing. Why don't you tell me what to do? How much longer do I have to deal with this? When do I finish paying my "love dues?" I just want clarity, direction, focus. I want to know my future.
posted by Deeg @ 8:19 PM
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You never really think about it this way....
posted by Deeg @ 5:20 AM
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Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. 3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. 9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. -- Romans 12
posted by Deeg @ 7:32 AM
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A first hand account of God's work in my life.
I'm weird, kinda quirky, and way too nice :) I serve a WONDERFUL Lord who I am learning more and more about every day. My family is AMAZING and they are the funniest people in the world. I also have a great boyfriend who has shown me both the highs and lows of being in love and God willing I want to be with him as long as I can.
